Comments on: Song-A-Week Returns! This Week: Chris

By: John

John — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 07:41:35 +0000

i really like the fake mellotron on this song. i like the feel of it too. however, i would change up the way that the electric works in the song. yes, it does have a good tone for the song but it seems just to be filler in this demo and doesn’t add what it could. a little bit more nuance is needed. maybe less strumming and more “parts.” like chase said, a slide would fit nicely. Maybe some guitar harmonies.
You should listen to Midlake’s new record “The Trials of Van Occupanther”. they’ve got a sound similar to your demos and i think you’d like them.

By: Chase

Chase — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:07:33 +0000

I like Dan’s comments too.

By: Chase

Chase — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:07:05 +0000

Matt,
Yeah. You’re right about the chorus. I still mean it needs the 3rd on the (G) chord though. “Lord, I was selfish then” on “then” have the 3rd in a harmony.
I was thinking that your vocal delivery on this song needs a little something more. It’s right between polished, and light, and gruff and depressing. I was thinking it may benefit from being way direction. If light and airy, listen to Jeff Buckley for inspiration…
Um, this is song #18 as well.

By: Dan

Dan — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 17:00:32 +0000

After listening to the song and rereading the lyrics, I think they work pretty well. Revising is never a bad idea though. It’s definitely something I need to work on improving as a writer. You know, that and actually writing every now and then.
I think the way you looked at this event is very good. We do contextualize things like this in terms of how they affect us, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I think you did a good job of tackling a really difficult subject. I also liked how the fact that he died in a war is really only mentioned tangentially in the song.

By: matt

matt — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 04:44:16 +0000

Yeah when I heard about that whole chain of events I was upset with the universe, if you know what I mean. It was gratuitous, you know? I know when you mean when you call it unreal. Maybe I’m not at the point in my craft where I should be writing about things this real and personal to people, but I was just emotionally sunk when I heard about it… And then I felt guilty, like I’ve heard people do. Like, maybe I should have been a better friend or something like that. But maybe it IS a bad idea to start the song out like it does. That first stanza sorta makes the song selfish – about me. Those personal feelings might be what made me feel like I should write about it in the first place, but it may not be the best way to handle the subject. Last thing I want to do is be selfish in the treatment of someone’s tragedy.
Thanks for that comment, Dan. I’ll definitely be thinking about that when it comes time to tweak the lyrics on song.
Oh, and Chase – I am not really sure what F# in the D chord you are talking about. The chords in the part that I call the chorus are some kind of C#, G#, B flat, or (capo’d at three) B flat, F, G. Is that what you’re talking about?

By: Dan

Dan — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 03:08:32 +0000

I haven’t listened yet, but I just wanted to comment on the lyrics. After the first few lines, I realized what the song is about, but it felt a little cheesy. But then it got kind of self-aware and self-effacing. As I read on, it started to work. I even got goosebumps at the end. I actually heard about that happening a while back when I went to Mass at a church in Elmhurst I don’t normally go to. I think it was his families church. It seemed so sad and ironic that it almost didn’t seem real. Anyway, I’ll listen now.

By: Chase

Chase — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 00:51:44 +0000

Definitely a good faked mellotron.
This “fuller” verse needs some JB slide action a la “You Know Where I’ll Be.”
The chorus needs harmonies. A voice that hits the F# (3rd) on the D chord during the chorus would sound nice as well. I like the melody of “Even the flag that Chris had” a lot, but I think “Drapped over his coffin” needs to be rethought. There’s a better rhythm/melody out there.
I like the extended instrumental, and reprise of verse 2. I think your vocal there needs to be verbed out and sounding far away. In the very least, it needs to sound different than how it has beforehand.
In the final the difference in dynamics from the first part of the verse to the second needs to be more so. I would like maybe some pads too.